I used to be a snob about home cooking . I felt that for a meal to be “homemade” every aspect needed to be made from scratch – let’s just say, you would never catch me using pancake mix or jarred marinara. I loved trying new recipes, making all of my own sauces and dressings and exercising my creative muscle in the kitchen – it was kind of my thing. Of course, I still enjoy all of those things, but let’s be real, as a mom of two young kids, I don’t always have the time or energy for all that.
Sometimes, I wish that dinner would magically appear on our table.
I’ve come to accept that it won’t, and with that, I’ve discovered the next best thing.
This dinner requires ZERO prep work!!
So, maybe this isn’t exactly a recipe, buuuuuut it’s my go to meal for when I want to put as little effort as possible into cooking and not be stuck with a big mess to clean up.
SUPER EASY SALSA CHICKEN
Place your chicken in the crockpot.
Cover each breast completely with salsa.
Set crockpot to cook on low for 5-6 hours.
Feel accomplished and get on with your life!
When the timer goes off, shred your chicken.
YUM! That chicken looks good!!
Eat your chicken how ever you want! My go to is a soft taco with avocado!
Can you even believe how easy that is?!
If you’re not into Mexican inspired dishes, you can also use this formula with whatever kind of sauce you like. I’ve tried several and they’re all just as awesome.
BBQ Sauce / I usually will shred the chicken and serve it on a bun with lettuce.
Teriyaki / I like to break the chicken into bigger pieces and serve over rice with a side of steamed veggies.
Curry / I serve this the same way that I serve the teriyaki. It would be great with naan, too!
This meal has been a weekly staple in our house because I know that when l make this chicken, in all of its variations, my family is happy and that makes me happy, because it’s essentially effortless!
After weeks and weeks of struggling with his 15 minute naps and constant night waking, I decided to get help from a sleep consultant and it was the best decision EVER.
Now, instead of spending up to 45 minutes rocking or bouncing Mateo to sleep, I am able to set him in his crib awake and he settles himself. He naps twice a day for at least an hour each time and he sleeps entirely through the night. When he wakes up, he is so bubbly and happy! He seems ready to take on the world – he seems more interested and engaged. No more constant eye rubbing and fussing.
It’s seriously so awesome!
Since I don’t have to put so much of my time and energy into figuring out Mateo’s sleep anymore, I have more of myself to give to Nori. I’m less impatient with her, I’m more available to play with her – we can read together or do crafts during his nap times. I don’t feel guilty anymore for having to push aside her needs in favor of her baby brother’s. She can count on having one on one time every day and I am able to be completely present.
The most awesome part of all?! I got some of my life back!!!
I have guaranteed time every night to do ME. I can watch a movie, I can take care of housework I’d put off in favor of playing with the kids, I can get intimate with my husband – all without the risk of being interrupted.
Why hadn’t I done this sooner?!
Well, because I was super against CIO sleep training methods. Letting my baby’s cries go unanswered for even 5 minutes felt wrong to me. I co slept with Nori until she was almost 2 and believed that I was going to do the same with Mateo. Thing is, our home life is way different than it used to be. Not only do I have another child to take care of but I rarely have help from Benny because he travels so often for work. What I felt comfortable and confidant doing just wasn’t working anymore.
I had to get over my own judgements about sleep training and take care of business!
The sleep trainer who I worked with is a Sleep Sense trained consultant. She got to know me and my situation and then formulated a plan and a schedule for Mateo. The whole thing was out of my comfort zone, but I was so desperate for things to be different that I dove into it head first.
We set a date to begin and she sent over a plan.
I was to pick a length of time that I felt comfortable letting Mateo cry for – I chose 10 minutes.
I was to pick a key phrase – I chose “it’s beddy-bye time”.
I was to choose a sleepy song – I chose “Twinkle Twinkle”
I was to be consistent.
The first night, I put Nori to bed first so that I could focus on Mateo afterward. At 7:15, I took him into his room and got him into his pajamas. I rolled some lavender on his feet. I turned on his noise machine and turned off the lights. I said my key phrase and sang him his sleepy song. I set him down in his crib and I left his room.
Immediately, he began sobbing.
I set my timer for 10 minutes and did my best to distract myself from his cries. It was super hard!
10 minutes passed and he was still upset, so I went into his room. I decided that picking him up to comfort him felt better to me than just standing near his crib, so I picked him up and held him close. Again, I said my key phrase and I sang him his sleepy song. He calmed down, so I set him back into his crib and left his room again.
I set my timer for 10 minutes.
This time, he screamed bloody murder! It was so intense. As the time counted down, I stared at the baby monitor. My stomach was in knots. My poor baby!! He wasn’t calming down!
The timer went off again and I returned to his room. This time, I only set my hand on his back while I sang his song and repeated his key phrase – I thought that maybe picking him up had been a bad idea. When he was calm, I left again and again, he seemed more upset than he had been before I entered the room.
I set another 10 minutes on the timer.
I decided to text my sleep consultant and see what she thought about his sadness escalating. She suggested that maybe I stop checking in on him. That felt really wrong to me, so I went in one last time and again, he became even more upset.
I stopped checking on him and 15 minutes later, he fell asleep and he stayed asleep until the next morning.
All in all, it was 45 minutes of tears.
The next day, we started naps. His first nap was to be at 10am. I did the same things – the key phrase, the song and left him sleepy but awake in his crib.
He cried – a lot. That first nap, I think he cried for 30 minutes. His second nap, he cried for 20. Bedtime, he cried for 20.
Honestly, for the first 3 days, he was probably crying for a total of an hour each day between his naps and bedtime. It was a lot. It didn’t feel good, but I knew that if I gave up, all of those tears would’ve been for nothing. I was so thankful that I had hired a consultant, because without her checking in on me, I may have given up.
She had me fill out a sleep log to keep track of his nap times and bed times and also how long he cried between our routine and falling asleep. By doing these, I learned when to put him down to minimize the tears.
No matter what time I set Mateo in his crib for his morning nap, he always fell asleep at about 10:20 and by 2:00 for his afternoon nap – bedtime he was asleep by 7:30. I started to set him down at those times, no matter what – even if I saw sleepy cues earlier – and he began to fall asleep with less tears. At most, I’d have 15 minutes of upset, but it stopped being real crying after those first few days and became more of a whiny moan. Even if Mateo woke up in the middle of night, he was able to soothe himself back to sleep within 10 minutes without needing to nurse or be rocked.
Everything had fallen into place!
Now, it’s been 12 days and every day is easier than the last – in fact, now it isn’t a “thing” anymore – it’s just the way that we do sleep in our household.
I am so, so grateful for my sleep trainer! I couldn’t have done it without her!!
If you’re on the fence about sleep training and want some tips, here’s what I’ve got:
Be all in. Don’t try to train one day and then chicken out the next. Consistency is key.
Listen to your baby. Some cry’s are frantic and others seem calm – adjust your timer accordingly. Also, like in my case, if something you planned to do seems not to be working, like picking up your baby or doing constant checks, stop doing it!
Keep a sleep log so that you can see your baby’s sleep patterns and adjust your schedule accordingly.
Plan to stay home and revolve your life around sleep training for at least the first week.
Make sure that you have support, wether from your partner, parents, friend or in my case, hired help. It really helps to have someone to hold you accountable and also to have someone to talk to during hard times.
Don’t judge yourself or think that you’re a bad mom for allowing your child to cry. You’re teaching them a valuable life skill – how to sleep! Anyone would feel upset if suddenly their routine was totally changed. As long as you’re usually attentive to your baby, they know that you love them!
Focus on the goal! A few days of tears are so worth it for hopefully years of easy sleep from your child.
If your child’s sleep patterns aren’t working for your family anymore, I totally recommend sleep training. It has totally changed our lives over here – my only regret is waiting so long to give it a try.
On August 24th, Benny and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary!
YAY FOR US!
To celebrate, he and I got a babysitter and went out for dinner at Toro Bravo. We had the tasting menu and it was delicious, but seriously, it was so much food. I didn’t even want dessert and if you know me, you’ll know that is extremely rare.
On our way there, Benny took my hand and sweetly asked me, “What is your favorite thing about our relationship?”
I answered him without thinking too much about it – I don’t do well under pressure – I felt bashful! I said some sweet things, but I didn’t love my answer – I knew I had more to say, if I had more time to think about it.
So, I kept thinking about it.
I thought about it during our date, I thought about it when we got home. I’ve been thinking about it since then and I think that finally, I’ve found my answer.
What I love most about our relationship is the way that we love each other.
It’s that simple.
Right now, Benny and I can agree that we are the happiest we have ever been in our relationship – it’s not that we were unhappy before, but right now things feel so healthy – so easy.
Our love has grown into a new way of being. We have started to love each other with intention.
Every day, he and I make the decision to hold ourselves accountable for our relationship’s success – we don’t run on auto pilot anymore.
We strive for love in our every day and do what it takes to come from a place of understanding. Because of this, we have been growing together as individuals and within our marriage.
I feel supported to be me. I feel heard. I feel safe and understood.
Now, don’t get me wrong – we have our shit. Sometimes I want to strangle Benny. Sometimes, I am so annoyed with him that I vent to my friends about it, or huff and puff around the house. Sometimes I want space and sometimes he isn’t close enough. We struggle, like most couples do – the difference is, now we talk about it instead of arguing about it.
We put our love before our egos.
Moving toward loving intentionally instead of falling back on old habits comes down to just a few things:
Owning your shit. Instead of getting defensive when your partner tells you that something you have done has upset them, believe them! We all have our own emotional history and wounds – it’s important to look inward and see how you could avoid this trigger in the future instead of getting defensive and putting blame on something else. This helps not only to grow as a couple, but also to grow as an individual.
In the last two months, Mateo has become increasingly clingy and has been sleeping a lot less. By the end of the day, I feel touched out and tired. Even though I felt that I was doing a good job balancing my mom life with our romantic life, Benny didn’t entirely agree. His love languages are touch and words of affirmation and I realized, I had hardly been doing either of those things for him! Sure, I was telling him that I loved him every day and I was making time to be intimate, but for him, that wasn’t enough. He told me that he felt like I wasn’t interested in him anymore. He didn’t feel loved. I could have gotten defensive and in the past, that would’ve been my go to – “I’m tired! The baby is always on me! You never make ME feel loved! You’re always away, anyway!” but instead, my heart broke for him. I felt terrible! The last thing I ever want to do is to hurt my partner. I chose to love him! I looked inward. I set the intention to show him how much I love and desire him – I give him longer, warmer hugs, I kiss him when we greet each other, I give him praise and make sex something that I make time for, not just something we can do if we have time. I’ve started to speak his language again and he noticed!
Picking your battles. You may not like everything that your partner does, but that doesn’t mean that they need to hear about it. When Benny gets home from work at 3am, he likes to take his pants off and get comfortable. I totally understand wanting to get comfortable, but when he does, he just leaves his pants on the floor, or draped over a chair. It drives me nuts!
There are pants left all over the house – upstairs, downstairs, by the door, in the kitchen. There was a time where I would get upset about this and often, it would turn into an actual fight!
What a waste of energy, fighting about pants.
Now, I just roll my eyes, pick them up and throw them in the hamper. In the grand scheme of things, will his pants on the floor outweigh all of the other wonderful parts of our marriage?
Showing gratitude. Let your partner know how much you appreciate them! Do something kind without being asked or with the expectation of having the gesture reciprocated.
Say thank you for the things that you usually take for granted.
Every now and again, Benny will thank me for doing his laundry or for cooking dinner and it makes me so happy to know that he appreciates what I do for him in the day to day.
Even better is when he does my chores for me so I can relax. He knows that there is no easier way to get in my pants than to empty the dishwasher.
Supporting each other. Let your partner follow their heart and help to support their personal growth. Don’t let the fear that changes might ruin your relationship, ruin your relationship. Change is hard, but inevitable.
When Benny was offered a job working for a company that would require him to travel frequently, I encouraged him to take the job. I knew that this was something that he really wanted. I wanted him to follow his dreams, even though it meant that we wouldn’t be together as often and that I would be alone to care for both of our children for long periods at a time.
For me, this has been the most difficult change that I’ve had to accept, but I am really working on it. He and I strive not to let resentments build up, so, whenever I am feeling really sad and lonely, I talk to him about it. He also knows that sometimes, I just need to vent and he lets me, even when it may make him feel bad. I’m not looking for him to make a change, I am just looking for a shoulder.
His personal growth is just as important our growth together (and vice versa)
Marriage can be hard sometimes, but it doesn’t have to be a battle! These are our partners, after all!
By choosing to love my partner over everything else, I’ve changed the way that I love and we have found a place of (mostly) harmony. It’s still a work in progress but by setting the intention, I’ve already done most of the work!
Well, I had step siblings from my father’s second wife, but that isn’t the same thing. We didn’t have that intrinsic connection that I imagine siblings to have. Sure, I enjoyed growing up with them but I didn’t always feel welcomed or loved.
It was hard.
I wanted to feel more connected to them, for them to be like my real family, but no matter what, I always felt a bit on the outside.
When I was 21, my father died. It was a total surprise and left me and my step siblings shocked and upset. Even though we were all experiencing this loss together, I felt even further away from them then I ever had before. Here were these people who knew my pain – who were living it too, but we didn’t mourn together. They had each other to lean on, and I had myself.
I felt so alone.
Having someone to have gone through all of this with would have made a world of difference.
Im sure of it!
When Benny and I started thinking about wether or not we wanted to give Nori a sibling, I reflected on this time – how I felt, what I had wished for.
What if there was some sort of tragedy and Nori had no one to lean on?
She needed a teammate for life. A friend. Someone to talk shit about me and her dad to when she got in trouble. Some one to pick on and play with and really, do whatever it is that siblings do together – Im an only child, remember? I don’t know what I’m talking about.
I wanted her to have the forever friend that I didn’t have. I didn’t want her to ever feel alone.
Even though I had made up my mind about giving Nori a sibling, I had to work on Benny for close to a year before he was down for baby two!
I wasn’t worried though – I get what I want.
After three months of trying, I found out that I was pregnant. Nori was three years old.
We were THRILLED!
Soon enough, that happiness and excitement turned into anxiety and fear. Not fear of having the baby – we were already pros – but fear of what this new baby might do to our family dynamic. Fears about my special bond with Nori being broken.
I’d spend nights awake in bed, sobbing, worrying about losing Nori.
What the fuck?! We planned this!!
I thought about this for years. How did I suddenly realize that adding a sibling might be painful for her – for all of us?
I was mourning her – our love, our special bond – before anything had even happened.
Did we make a mistake?
I couldn’t get these thoughts out of my mind. Every moment that I spent with Nori, I treated like they were my last.
I gave her my full attention.
I held her close.
I breathed her in.
I kept telling her, “When your brother comes, things may be different, but just know that mommy and daddy love you so much! You’ll always be our special girl.”
Looking back, I don’t think that I should have said that so often. It probably hadn’t even occurred to her that things would be different.
I’m sure she smelled my fear.
Even though I was worried about her accepting the coming change, I also loved sharing my pregnancy with her. She loved my belly. She loved to kiss it and sing songs to it. She liked to feel the baby move. She would put her lips against my skin and talk to her brother.
She laughed when I used my belly as a table.
When Mateo was born, she asked if we could put him back in there, because she loved my big belly so much.
He was better on the inside, in her eyes.
She didn’t come to visit us at the hospital. She didn’t want to facetime with us either. I tried to understand, while I laid in the hospital bed, nursing our son – her brother.
“It’s happening” I thought. “Everything I feared has come true.”
When we returned home with Mateo, Nori looked different to me. She looked humongous.
Why were they so big?
How did she grow so much in the two days that we were at the hospital?
She hugged her brother. She hugged and kissed me and her father. She posed for photos. She was just being herself, but somehow, I felt like I didn’t know her anymore. I felt like she didn’t trust me – that I owed her something. I wanted to give her so much of me, to comfort her, to let her know that everything would be ok, but I couldn’t. I was exhausted, infatuated, distracted, hormonal. I expected her to be patient with me.
I expected my 4 year old to understand.
Benny took over most of my responsibilities that first month. He made Nori breakfast, he took her to school, he picked her up, he played with her, he made dinner, all while I laid in bed with Mateo, sleeping and nursing and sleeping and nursing.
Nori would come in to visit us. She never would come in the bed, but would stand at the edge and talk to me.
I wanted her closer. I wanted her snuggled there with me. I was missing her and I know she was missing me too.
After a few days, her sadness turned into anger and she started to be mean to me.
One morning, once Mateo was asleep, I went into her room to read with her and let her know that I’d do bath with her that night. I was focused on her. I needed to connect with her but she told me that she didn’t want to hear a story and that Benny should do her bath too. She asked me to leave her room.
I’d never felt rejection from her before and damn, did it hurt.
“Nori, I have this time to be with you, and you’re not being kind to me! I know that you miss me but I don’t think you understand that I miss you too.”
I started to cry. I couldn’t keep it together.
Nori looked at me in a way that I’d never seen her look at me before. I had never cried like that in front of my daughter, being her mom, I’d always held it together.
She jumped into my arms, crying and I held her.
She laughed, “Mama! We are both crying!” and then I laughed too.
Those early days were hard.
Mateo is almost 8 months old now and Nori is his favorite person in the whole house – well, except for me – but I think that’s just because I’ve got the boobs.
He laughs at everything she does. She will yell, “Banana bread!” and he cracks up and then we all crack up because it’s so random and funny!
Seeing their friendship blossom has been a treat. It fills my heart with so much love that I can feel it exploding!
But, I’m not gonna lie, we still struggle.
Bedtime is a nightmare and sometimes, errands are too. Some days I feel so overwhelmed that when I am finally free to do whatever I need to do, I just go straight to bed. Some days Nori plays alone for hours while I struggle with a fussy baby, but we are getting there.
I’m trying my best.
Just the other night, Mateo was asleep in his room and I had my hands free to cuddle with Nori in her bed. I stroked her hair and sang her lullibies. Out of nowhere, she sat up and turned to me. She said, “Mama, I’m so sorry that I hated Mateo so much before, because now I love him!” and you know those heart explosions I mentioned before?