My mom loves to tell a story about taking me to the mall when I was 6 or 7 months old and how while we were there, I had a major blowout poop. Evidentially, there was poop everywhere. So much poop, that this has been a stand out memory for her for over 30 years. In fact, this is one of the only stories that I’ve ever heard about my infancy.
Well, guess what, guys!!!
MY LEGACY LIVES ON THROUGH MY SON.
While we were out shopping for matching pajamas for the kids to make our holiday cards, Mateo had a poop explosion that I will carry with me forever.
Our mall adventure started off really well! Mateo had fallen asleep in the car on our way there and we were able to successfully get him into his stroller and keep him asleep for a long time – long enough for Nori to go potty, ride the train and for us to find the pajamas that we came for and pay for them.
I couldn’t help but feel deep satisfaction about how successful our trip had been. The mall during holiday season is not for amateurs. I was expecting our outing to be a shit show and it wasn’t! Little did I know that I was about to be confronted with a literal shit show.
As we were heading out of the store, Mateo woke up. He was so happy and smiley! He must have had a good nap. Nori poked her head into his stroller to say “Hi!” and she pulled her head back, revolted.
Mateo smells like poop, Mom!!
Ok. No problem, I thought. I pushed his stroller to the bathroom and Nori and Benny continued shopping around. When we got to the bathroom and I picked Mateo up, his clothing squished against his back. My hands were wet.
His poop had squirted all the way up to the back of his head and all the way down the back of his legs.
I stripped him naked and threw his onesie in the trash – it was unsalvageable. Frantically, I wiped him down with baby wipes. People were walking past me in the woman’s room, covering their noses and looking at me with pity.
It was a nightmare.
I had been taking so long in the bathroom that Benny sent Nori to go check on me. As soon as I saw her I yelled, GET DAD!!
Benny joined me in the ladies room as we hurried to clean our baby up and get him dressed again and that’s when I realized that I didn’t pack him any extra clothing.
Luckily, we had just bought those jammies, so we put him in those – but not before we completely wiped him down with hand sanitizer.
That’s right. I covered my baby with Purell. Judge me.
Sometimes, you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do and this brings me to my point:
ALWAYS KEEP A STOCKED DIAPER BAG!
I use a simple backpack as my diaper bag and it’s usually well stocked, but every now and then I slip up and forget something – usually when I really need the item that I forgot. So, here is a friendly reminder for myself and some tips for you on what to pack in your diaper bag so that you don’t end up in a shitty situation like me.
DIAPERS // Duh. If your kid wears diapers, bring them. Bring more than you think you’ll need. I usually pack 4-6 depending on how long we will be out.
WIPES // I bring a few different wipes in my bag because I’m a crazy person. I bring regular baby wipes for Mateo, toddler flushable wipes for Nori because the princess will only poop if she knows that she has a wet wipe for her bottom and hand and face wipes for messy faces and hands. Maybe it’s overkill, but I like to have options.
CHANGE OF CLOTHES // Always keep weather appropriate changes of clothes, socks and undies in your bag even if your kid hasn’t had a blow out in months or has been potty trained for years. Accidents happen. Once, when Nori was 2, maybe 2.5, I had to take Nori home from the park with no pants on after her first and only potty accident. She didn’t seem to mind, but I felt awful. It’s not always the potty accidents that screw you, but spills, mud, etc. can all make a kiddo wet and uncomfortable and nobody wants that.
SNACKS // I don’t know about you, but I get hangry!! Everyone in my family does, so I always try to pack enough snacks for everyone. I usually pack a few apple sauce pouches, baby food pouches and snack bars. If we are having a park day or I know that we will be out for several hours, I’ll pack fresh fruit and veggies and often will make a couple of sandwiches too. Having enough snacks for everyone stops meltdowns before they happen and also help to save money and time because you won’t need to stop and get food while you’re out and about.
TOYS // When kids get bored, all hell breaks loose!! Having a few toys and activities on hand is essential. For the baby, I usually pack a blinky/noisy toy and a teether and for Nori, I bring crayons – I also will give her my phone sometimes to play games – not gonna lie. When I want to keep her off of a device, Water Wow’s are awesome! If you don’t know what they are, they’re coloring pages that come with a special pen that you fill up with water. Nori loves them and never seems to grow tired of coloring the same pictures over and over again.
HAND SANITIZER // Kids are gross. Germs are everywhere. NUFF SAID.
In a perfect world, our diaper bags would always be stocked up and ready for anything, but let’s be real, some days we’re sure to fuck up – enter, the stocked car. I try to always have 2-3 diapers in my glove box and a pack of baby wipes in the trunk. In my center console, I like to keep one or two apple sauces and on good days, I’ll have packed cereal bars too. That is also where I keep an extra hand sanitizer. I keep a few toys in the car all the time, too, because carrying them to and from the house is too much work and in this instance, being lazy is helpful.
Even with knowing what to pack, you’ll probably still forget things sometimes, but, knowing is half the battle! So, stock up that bag! Stock up that car! And let the world know that you’re a bad ass parent who (usually) has their shit together.