I had such good intentions for what I wanted to write this week, but it didn’t happen because I completely jinxed myself with last weeks post about sleep training. I should’ve known better than to brag about our accomplishments after a measly two weeks.
What was I thinking?!
Mateo has still been putting himself to sleep independently, but he has been waking up at 430/5am everyday.
ITS KILLING ME!
I’m so tired that my eyes burn.
It’s a vicious cycle of suck. He wakes up early, so his naps are early and then he is ready for bed by 5pm. I would reach out to our sleep consultant, but our two week session is over. It ended literally the day all of this BS started.
I’ve been reading up on all sorts of different solutions to the early waking but I just feel so discouraged that it’s hard for me to take action.
This morning when Mateo woke up at 430, I just brought him into my bed to nurse and he slept in until 7. I don’t want to start a bad habit, but honestly, if I don’t start sleeping again, I’m going to lose my mind.
So, that’s where I’m at. Hopefully things will get back on track soon, so I can focus on anything other than sleep schedules and feeling like garbage and share with you the posts I’ve been working on.
I’m open to hearing any tips or tricks you might have!
After weeks and weeks of struggling with his 15 minute naps and constant night waking, I decided to get help from a sleep consultant and it was the best decision EVER.
Now, instead of spending up to 45 minutes rocking or bouncing Mateo to sleep, I am able to set him in his crib awake and he settles himself. He naps twice a day for at least an hour each time and he sleeps entirely through the night. When he wakes up, he is so bubbly and happy! He seems ready to take on the world – he seems more interested and engaged. No more constant eye rubbing and fussing.
It’s seriously so awesome!
Since I don’t have to put so much of my time and energy into figuring out Mateo’s sleep anymore, I have more of myself to give to Nori. I’m less impatient with her, I’m more available to play with her – we can read together or do crafts during his nap times. I don’t feel guilty anymore for having to push aside her needs in favor of her baby brother’s. She can count on having one on one time every day and I am able to be completely present.
The most awesome part of all?! I got some of my life back!!!
I have guaranteed time every night to do ME. I can watch a movie, I can take care of housework I’d put off in favor of playing with the kids, I can get intimate with my husband – all without the risk of being interrupted.
Why hadn’t I done this sooner?!
Well, because I was super against CIO sleep training methods. Letting my baby’s cries go unanswered for even 5 minutes felt wrong to me. I co slept with Nori until she was almost 2 and believed that I was going to do the same with Mateo. Thing is, our home life is way different than it used to be. Not only do I have another child to take care of but I rarely have help from Benny because he travels so often for work. What I felt comfortable and confidant doing just wasn’t working anymore.
I had to get over my own judgements about sleep training and take care of business!
The sleep trainer who I worked with is a Sleep Sense trained consultant. She got to know me and my situation and then formulated a plan and a schedule for Mateo. The whole thing was out of my comfort zone, but I was so desperate for things to be different that I dove into it head first.
We set a date to begin and she sent over a plan.
I was to pick a length of time that I felt comfortable letting Mateo cry for – I chose 10 minutes.
I was to pick a key phrase – I chose “it’s beddy-bye time”.
I was to choose a sleepy song – I chose “Twinkle Twinkle”
I was to be consistent.
The first night, I put Nori to bed first so that I could focus on Mateo afterward. At 7:15, I took him into his room and got him into his pajamas. I rolled some lavender on his feet. I turned on his noise machine and turned off the lights. I said my key phrase and sang him his sleepy song. I set him down in his crib and I left his room.
Immediately, he began sobbing.
I set my timer for 10 minutes and did my best to distract myself from his cries. It was super hard!
10 minutes passed and he was still upset, so I went into his room. I decided that picking him up to comfort him felt better to me than just standing near his crib, so I picked him up and held him close. Again, I said my key phrase and I sang him his sleepy song. He calmed down, so I set him back into his crib and left his room again.
I set my timer for 10 minutes.
This time, he screamed bloody murder! It was so intense. As the time counted down, I stared at the baby monitor. My stomach was in knots. My poor baby!! He wasn’t calming down!
The timer went off again and I returned to his room. This time, I only set my hand on his back while I sang his song and repeated his key phrase – I thought that maybe picking him up had been a bad idea. When he was calm, I left again and again, he seemed more upset than he had been before I entered the room.
I set another 10 minutes on the timer.
I decided to text my sleep consultant and see what she thought about his sadness escalating. She suggested that maybe I stop checking in on him. That felt really wrong to me, so I went in one last time and again, he became even more upset.
I stopped checking on him and 15 minutes later, he fell asleep and he stayed asleep until the next morning.
All in all, it was 45 minutes of tears.
The next day, we started naps. His first nap was to be at 10am. I did the same things – the key phrase, the song and left him sleepy but awake in his crib.
He cried – a lot. That first nap, I think he cried for 30 minutes. His second nap, he cried for 20. Bedtime, he cried for 20.
Honestly, for the first 3 days, he was probably crying for a total of an hour each day between his naps and bedtime. It was a lot. It didn’t feel good, but I knew that if I gave up, all of those tears would’ve been for nothing. I was so thankful that I had hired a consultant, because without her checking in on me, I may have given up.
She had me fill out a sleep log to keep track of his nap times and bed times and also how long he cried between our routine and falling asleep. By doing these, I learned when to put him down to minimize the tears.
No matter what time I set Mateo in his crib for his morning nap, he always fell asleep at about 10:20 and by 2:00 for his afternoon nap – bedtime he was asleep by 7:30. I started to set him down at those times, no matter what – even if I saw sleepy cues earlier – and he began to fall asleep with less tears. At most, I’d have 15 minutes of upset, but it stopped being real crying after those first few days and became more of a whiny moan. Even if Mateo woke up in the middle of night, he was able to soothe himself back to sleep within 10 minutes without needing to nurse or be rocked.
Everything had fallen into place!
Now, it’s been 12 days and every day is easier than the last – in fact, now it isn’t a “thing” anymore – it’s just the way that we do sleep in our household.
I am so, so grateful for my sleep trainer! I couldn’t have done it without her!!
If you’re on the fence about sleep training and want some tips, here’s what I’ve got:
Be all in. Don’t try to train one day and then chicken out the next. Consistency is key.
Listen to your baby. Some cry’s are frantic and others seem calm – adjust your timer accordingly. Also, like in my case, if something you planned to do seems not to be working, like picking up your baby or doing constant checks, stop doing it!
Keep a sleep log so that you can see your baby’s sleep patterns and adjust your schedule accordingly.
Plan to stay home and revolve your life around sleep training for at least the first week.
Make sure that you have support, wether from your partner, parents, friend or in my case, hired help. It really helps to have someone to hold you accountable and also to have someone to talk to during hard times.
Don’t judge yourself or think that you’re a bad mom for allowing your child to cry. You’re teaching them a valuable life skill – how to sleep! Anyone would feel upset if suddenly their routine was totally changed. As long as you’re usually attentive to your baby, they know that you love them!
Focus on the goal! A few days of tears are so worth it for hopefully years of easy sleep from your child.
If your child’s sleep patterns aren’t working for your family anymore, I totally recommend sleep training. It has totally changed our lives over here – my only regret is waiting so long to give it a try.